Or at noon, the window was produced crackling sound "firecrackers, always remind me again after a year.Before school, especially in the junior middle school, high school, always feel time to walk very fast, always in high spirit everyday to busy to do your own thing, suddenly looked up to see the day, suddenly found that is already a year.When days go in a hurry, but particularly meet, live with no regrets, steadfast.Now look at the road, from the bottom of my heart there is a deep guilt, I really want to know, into this half a year to the university, what I learned, and learned what?When years of growth rings as the blade across my memory, my dream, and I have been hard to forget the good, the feeling of heartache that accompanied with the ear of firecrackers, inching to cut into the skin, to Pierce the heart.

Whenever the dead of night, I sat by the bed, ask yourself "what I live for.Once, when I was a junior high school students, when I have been reading principles of marxism, I tell myself that I am or to strive for the realization of communism.When I was high school, I told myself, I live to live with dignity, and my father live a life with dignity.Now I rarely mention the two ideas, not because I doubt the accuracy of them, on the contrary, I have been to their firm.I just think sometimes think too much, think too far not wise, maybe I should take very lofty goals decomposition, builders of walk every step, like once middle school to enrich life.

Whenever I do nothing to sit at the computer, at random points to open the dialog box or the dialog box, and then closed, like in obsessive-compulsive disorder to waste the time of a day in front of the computer, that kind of feeling of heartache, or guilt, is regret, will firmly hold my heart.Whenever this time, I will again ask yourself: what you live for?Or, why do you want to live?

Actually is not only a self-reflection, when encountered in the life is hard to deeply pain and discomfort, I will ask myself, why should I live?This problem with me from the junior middle school to high school to university, from my foolish to youth, from more than ten years to the running of the second age, can be said to be a problem, isn't it bitterness tranquilizer.

Outside the school, when I was bullied, when I am alone, when my heart pain, I will tell myself: it's nothing.My father to my hard big rest, head of silver hair can attest, where this is not how much warmth, he suffer many things and many unfair treatment, trample the dignity of his being and who to make allowance for his pain and endurance?

To father can no longer suffer involvement, the people of humiliation, how can I not carefully read, study, work?Remember my father once said, "all who live in this world, who is easy."Is often see through the life under the bright appearance of cruelty, to have a great compassion and great compassion.The more I want to say, on the premise of know and understand still for the sake of the family to endure and persist, this is love, is love.

When I was a child, it is the most carefree time, will not think of the food on the table every day is parents again bitter again tired also endured the smiling face every day hard work to make money to buy, don't think even as a bitter winter father also endure the biting cold wash in cold water, not notice father eminence growing white hair, more won't want to be a father in old age, I again what are the achievements to face his old man's house.

Maybe as time goes on, as we have to face more people and things, have to endure once more by the father's broad shoulders carrying pressure and humiliation, we will know in fact left in this world who are still living well, no one will tolerate your mean, in addition to my parents.When one day, they are old, ill, left us forever, no matter how high we age, position, how rich, the man who can sincerely to you will never appear again in your side, we became orphans to forever, only myself alone in a lonely in the strange world.

I am a child of a small subei county, over the years has been to several places, often away from home, can have a deep fear, I still feel the world outside busy again, and I don't mix, unable to contact us.

Remember the modern writer liu fu in the context of "father" wrote: "back to the hotel, I found the father's eyes were red, what is talking to a middle-aged waitress, waiter sincere consolation in his father. I think my father must have been crying, in my memory father is no tears, my heart suddenly heavy, later, father told me, the waiter see a person silent tears, he was concerned about. Father told his son to pursue college, and said, son, and village people, poor, afraid of being bullied in the future, think of these, and couldn't help to tears."

Every time I read this, I always feel so sad tears left.A lot of people are born with a silver, have never been, never know the bitterness of life, but fate is unspeakable, so be sure to let the "I" so early to the son of a village people taste that kind of thorough marrow of fear and misery.

Every time read the prajnaparamita heart sutra, can feel the feelings of a kind of compassion.Just retinues living beings in the world, and is often used to ten evil, consciously, not out, make the line the tetra bodhisattva, often jealous resentment to put up with.Prajnaparamita heart sutra says: "the buddhist relics, is the method of empty phase, not eternal, not scale is not clear, it does not increase. Hence the air colorless, no line want to know, no eye, ear, nose tongue body, colorless sound fragrance, there is no vision, and even unconscious world, there is no ignorance, there is no ignorance, and even die of old age, nor old, no cross set out, without wisdom nor too, to have nothing."The suffering of life, since ancient times have perception that also said in the scriptures: "can, in addition to all the bitter truth."

Many people think that to the market economy, compassion is a sign of backwardness, and delays are dangerous, the survival of the fittest, so.I silent, not words, is not willing to say more.I learn science, science of formula theorem is often mechanical cold, has a strict logical relation, but the humanity, on the other hand, most of the time he is a kind of understanding, the reflection of life experience to himself and others, unspeakable.

Buddhist says, "six clean", is essentially against the philosophy of "human nature is social" general, he want to leave people completely isolated, without any emotional communication, but it is a pity his feelings, apparently contradictory.Every time just read these verses, there is a deep touches, burnished bitter life, but there is a miss, have you love and who love you and you live together, nothing is can not bullet's past, isn't it.

Liu fu at the end of the article writes: "my father back, I will never like a mountain stand's father, is my life's a goblin. As the father, for themselves, also for the raising of my home, I put all open calendar as its sail."Is similar with me, if so many years of my study is a little harvest, also calculate a bit to progress, is the result of a father wanted to mountain stand guard.I am in the process of not flat growth eventually walked to come over, no self-indulgence is what inspires me is the father of love.

Once I'm ashamed to say to dad "daddy, I love you", even write it down, written into the articles are not willing to, because I really didn't feel the father's sacrifices, beyond all worldly prejudice and interest, and moving.Then read the article, calculated the juvenile can accompany their parents to read too much.See the results I really to shed tears, so many years why I shouldn't always one day in their own side of the most amiable lovely person will go away from yourself, why do so many years has been thought of as father's abiding by or at least less trouble for him?!Now I can cried and told you, if the father is not in, I am alive still have what meaning?!

Recall the past scenes, always can't help but hope to have a tinker bell "anywhere door," let me go back in time beating themselves."Begat sons and daughters, lifetime, head is full of children cried and laughed", this is the most let I touched of thirty gala song, now listening to this song while writing these at sixes and sevens, just to smooth hard to remove the inner sadness, really feel sorry father.

This for more than half a year, I still remember the father suffered the pain and humiliation, whether as a middle school, high school still work meticulously for their dreams, whether in and classmates laughing can remember father how long without a sincere smile, whether in the thought that this is his father's hard-earned money to spend, and he has been a teacher meager wages to support the whole family.

Just whenever there is a chance to slack off, give their excuses, excuses, deviating from the original intention, deviated from the original better step by step, the thought of his father, or will still be pain runny nose, will be sad, will be guilty, will be ashamed of yourself, but now, what I learned, know this winter break, and what can be proud to live up to his father's thing?

So in the New Year, I thought I ran 2, ran the two from the running of the three is not far away, or nothing and have no desire to do better, how long can I accompany father, can let his father in the course of his life a good life, I'm really speechless, hate myself, hate myself.

Life goes on, I don't want to meet Chinese New Year with a state of sadness, just don't work hard, really is too late.So, as liu fu wrote: "for his father, for themselves, also for the raising my homeland, I put all open calendar as endeavour sail."

Sixth: Sun Shijie